A New Arrangement

Me: Well, hello there life! Come on in. Take a seat!

Life: Uh, what's this all about?

Me: I'd like to have a little talk with you. It's nothing to be nervous about. Just standard procedure.

(Life gives me a blank stare)

Me: Over recent years I have willingly taken whatever you gave me. I've been very patient and understanding. I've allowed you the freedom to do your own thing...

(I allow life to process all that was just stated)

Me: Also, I have heard numerous reports concerning you. People are saying things like "life just happens" or "that's life."

Life: That's true! These are facts that have been proven over the centuries and-

Me: Hold up, life! Let me stop you there. Simmer down now.

(Life is stunned)

Me: The reason I brought you here today is to let you know there are going to be a few changes.

Life: (swallows dryly) Changes?

Me: Yes. Changes. You see, I've listened to you for a long time, but it's time now for you to start listening to me. Let's not forget who works for who here. Also, you should expect to hear some of the same reports about me that I've heard about you in the past.

Life: Like?

Me: Like, "That's just Joel" and "Joel happens" and "he'll do what he'll do." I know. It's a lot to take in.

Life: (wide-eyed) Yeah.

Me: And I wouldn't put this on you if I didn't think you could handle it. (Pats life on the back). That will be all for now. You just sit back and watch me happen. Hang in there, buddy!

Life: (laughs nervously) Okay.